Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Replies and Minor Update

Dear Diary~

@DJ Atomika I'm doing my best... it's kind of hard at times, but it helps having people that I know are going through the same thing as me...
@Ember Fay The only downside to this situation, is I don't have a real direction yet... I mean what am I supposed to do? Surviving doesn't feel like enough of a direction... I need a goal... I'll work on that though.
@S373n I am my own person, I know this to be true, so your words don't scare me, but... eh... I suppose I like riddles.
@TheAdvocate Oh really? Care to share?

I've been doing okay, just haven't felt any need to update because nothing has happened with me. I mean... I think nothing has happened... it's hard to tell sometimes if what I hear or see is real... Eh... I'm pretty sure I'm fine right now.

Bernard Laguardia

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A drawing to show how I'm feeling right now...

Dear Diary~

I decided to draw some vent art because I was so upset... so here it is...

Yes I added the symbol that The Narrator said was for me to the shadow on purpose. Even in this house I feel watched at times... and I know that a part of it probably isn't even just paranoia... and god how I miss Drake... I've been crying all day...

Bernard Laguardia

To DJ Atomika, My Symptoms, and Brood (MASC)

Dear Diary~

I read Braen's post, and your comment. Believe me, that... thing isn't me. I'm crazy, but as far as I know, I don't have a split personality, especially not one that's capable of destroying my home. Here are the... symptoms I have so far:

Auditory Hallucinations (though I'm not sure if the voice I heard on Monday/ Sunday was real or not... I'm normally not a violent person... so I don't believe it was really me. But I do hear other voices, and those I'm pretty sure are not real.)

Paranoia (beyond a reasonable amount)


Visual Hallucinations? (I'm still not entirely sure if these... ghosts are real or not.)

Even though I'm not on my meds anymore, I'm doing my best to keep my thoughts in order and look at everything I experience objectively and try and understand if what I'm experiencing is real or not.

Also, it's strange... the situation in this house... I've been talking to Brood a bit since I've been here... as far as I understand, Brood is the person in charge of the group of people from some organization called MASC... Brood doesn't like divulging much to me, though Brood sure seems eager to know more about me and why I've shown up here...

Bernard Laguardia

Monday, January 16, 2012

My Absence

I would be there slitting your throat right now but for some reason my lord doesn't want me to...

so for the time being I'll just sit back and watch... but know, I will be close and watching.

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A Voice in My Head

Dear Diary~

I'm doing alright everyone, a lot better than I had been, but something happened today that I thought I should mention...

Earlier today I was sitting my room on my computer when I heard someone say. "Are you willing to kill?" I was stunned. I just sat there for a second, waiting to see if it'd speak again, not wanting to answer really. A minute later it spoke up again "Are you willing to kill?" it asked once again. I very quietly spoke out. "If it means killing those people responsible for Drake's death... then yes..." I felt a cold chill go down my spine... and it was silent again... the voice seemed really familiar to me... I have a feeling who it might have been... but... if it's who I think it is... then I have a few questions for that person if they come back again...

Bernard Laguardia

Friday, January 13, 2012

Feeling a little better...

Dear Diary~

It helps being surrounded by people who are in the same situation as me... I've briefly talked to them about Drake and Ecko... and what happened to them...

Early today I decided to draw Raz being stalked by Slendy to see if it made me feel better... it didn't...

I've also been able to sleep pretty well recently... I feel a lot more at peace... just sad more than anything... I learn that one of the few people that I love is murdered, my house is destroyed, and an eldritch (I really love that word.) horror is trying to fucking kill me... but again... at least I'm not alone...

Bernard Laguardia

Monday, January 9, 2012


Dear Diary~

I got to the town and Shady met me at a restaurant yesterday. On the way to the Haven, she filled me in on the current situation... She feels pretty trustworthy... When we got there... I felt like I'd been there before... I swear I knew the complete layout of the mansion... I mean... it was weird... I was drawn to a certain room... they let me know once I had chosen it that it was the room that Drake and Ecko had been staying in... and I felt that weight on my shoulders come back... Are you there Drake? ... Someone named Brood talked to me... I felt like he was interrogating me... though he did seem like he was trying to be nice... But... I feel much safer here... I don't feel eyes... In this room... I'm finally alone... I was finally able to sleep well last night...

Bernard Laguardia

Friday, January 6, 2012

Very Close, Very Very Near

Dear Diary~

Norristown, Pennsylvania. DJ Atomika I am almost there I know I can make it. Many eyes though, all around me, like needles in my back, and I don't know if they are there... and if they are... I don't know if I can go to the people in New Jersey... in my (wa(l)king) dream I saw a ruined abbey... a bloody baptism... two becoming one... one living off the other... like a leech... I must focus... I'm very close...

Bernard Laguardia

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Further closer coming

Dear Diary~

Almost there. I'm in Somerset, Pennsylvania. I'm so scared... dark long fingers reaching for me... I feel surrounded... They're always watching me... He's there everytime I turn around. HE SEES ME.............. The Hanged Man, The Tower, Death. No... it's happened already... The Fool Inverted, The Lovers Inverted, The Sun Inverted, The Magic Weapon, Haven vs. Wilderness, Black Red Violet, Four Six, Crescent Moon, Valley, Mist, Forest

Bernard Laguardia

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Dear Diary~

I've run out of medication... I'm not going back... they did contact me and I'vebeen trying to work my way east for awhile now... I've made it to Akron, Ohio... if my posts start getting... strange... just know that I know where I'm going, but... my mind might get a little muddled... hopefully I can get there and at least be around friends while my mind practically rapes itself...

Before I'm tooout of it to talk about this, I want to officially let everyone know exactly what's... wrong with me... I'm Schizoaffective, and pretty severely so... the meds I was taking didn't really stop all of the effects, just help me keep my thoughts in order...

I'm glad to see that I did some serious damage to Braen before... haven't seen him at all recently... which is good I guess. I just don't like having the lull in activity... makemsenevrous...

I'll try and post every day or two and let you all know how I'm doing.

Bernard Laguardia

Oh and welcome DJ Atomika.